Pretending :)

But I hold on
I stay strong
Will I ever have a happy ending or will I just keep pretending?
How long do I fantasize or make believe that its still alive?
Imagine that I am good enough?
We can choose the ones we love
Keepin secrets safe
Every move we make

& its such a shame
Because if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know???
Will we ever
Tear down all the walls :)
Will i ever get my happy ending??

I believe so hehe I love glee!! Team Rachel for sure :)

Hey Stranger How you been??

Feels like im on the outside looking in. ;) A lot has changed and the "of course" linkin park song is stuck in my head. Waiting for the end if you haven't heard of it i suggest you look it up or i may just add it on here. Its amazing got me through some of the roughest times this year. Count you blessing and some things may not be disguised as so or maybe at the time you misread them but everything with a positive outlook is a blessing =) Thanks T ;)

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear.

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so...
Oh! what it takes to move on

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear

Official Post PHEW ;)

First Official post in a long long time :) Well as you know i have had some of my own personal trials through out the past couple of months. I could not have survived without my family & PMTS familia. But most importantly my beautiful 2 year old daughter Tessa. I believe i got these trials for a reason. Maybe because i was scared of the what ifs?? Or maybe to help me see how strong i really am?? I like to think its because God has a lot of confidence in me =) =) =) Not only as a person but as a daugher, as a mom, wife/ex wife, A sister or just a friend. It took a while for me to get here and to finally see the light at the end of the "tunnel" :) But i can. I can see it and all I can see on the other side of that tunnel is a beautiful rich blue ocean with a yellow, red, purple sunset :) I just needed faith. More then anything i needed all of you. I'm thankful for having my heart broken. I'm thankful for the things i have gotten to experience and share. My confidence and just getting back to the real happy fun me has helped not only myself but everyone i feel that has been around me. In a million years i never ever thought i would be thankful for a chance like this But i am. I'm not perfect. I may slip or fall not make a perfect choice im only human. I'm doing the best i can and know how =) Im thankful for what i have been taught all my life. Im thankful for breathing for having a roof over my head for being able to simple get out of bed. For making choices, for my family. Especially the one most important being in my life. Tessa. For knowing what i have a passion for. For knowing i have an option to choose. =) These may just seem like little things but they arent to me. :) There is so much to be thankful for to think of in a positive way. Dont think about all the negative in a situation. i try to see the positive in everything I may not express it all of the time. I try anyways to see everything in a more positive light. Tessa is a huge reason I am the mom/friend/ person i am today and i will always be ever so thankful for that. Im a strong-willing-single mommy & I LOVE YOU TESSA!!!

Family =)

Well everyone it has been all summer I haven't posted anything. HA sorry. Well a lot has happened. I have learned to be more forward focused =) I will be done with school in july and I am sooo oober excited. I have to admit i never saw this light at the end of the tunnel for...well EVER!! haha =) I love glittery things & I am a SMILEY whore.. <--- this means i use smiley faces a lot! =)
Tessa is getting sooo big it is unbelieveable. Just yesterday we took the railing of her crib and it is now a day bed. She had her first cute little date JUST YESTERDAY. I love her a little to much and seems she warms everyones heart with her smile!! My dad and Tessa are literally best friends!! She loves to sit on him in his chair and watch tarzan 2 it is adorable.

My brothers kids: She talks constantly about DODO (porter) and used to call HUTCH "hut" but can now say the CH!! She calls Cooper "OP". It is amazing what a huge impact these boys have made on her little life they just adore each other to pieces!!

Best of friends ;)

Tessa & Mr Buddy Bailey

Easter Fun

So the easter bunny came and brought tessa toys, a stuffed animal, a movie and some candy =) Boy was she happy.

"To the easter egg hunt"


She did awesome picking up the eggs and putting them in her basket! She didnt break a single one!!
Time to put the money in her piggy bank! =)

Love Bugs 1 yr pics

Day she was born:
6 Months:


1 Year: YAY!!

Story behind this one is Tessa was starting to get fussy so we sang patty cake & when we got to the YOU AND ME part she put her hand on her self. It was sooo cute!! =) Adorable baby girl.

MADDDD!!!

I have been a Tim burton fan since i was a little girl!! The remake he did of Alice in Wonderland was AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS!! HAHA. From custumes, make-up & to HAIR. It was beyond belief. As you watch the movie you get lost and intransed in a whole- nother world ...
(Yes i am making up words) Im classy right? =)

I'M BaCk.. Miss me? =)

Sorry for the delay everyone.. It is just so easy to go on facebook look what is going on & then leave and not have to worry about posting anything LOL... So Let me catch you up to speed. Our daughter Tessa is almost 15 months now. We are having a blast going to parks,swimming and playing outside in the dirt! It is crazy how fast kids grow up eh? She is walking around trying to run lol but falls down and is getting into EVERYTHING!! Its beautiful... not! =) She has a little attitude and I have no idea where that comes from but she has it =) She is adorable. Our whole life.. She has a contagious SMILE! Is always happy.. She makes new friends everywhere she goes. Recent story of last week My husband, Daughter, Dad and Aunt Tampa went to go eat at gunbarrel steakhouse. The waitress said to my charlie aka husband and dad "She is soo cute. everyone in back is saying how cute she is you just want to kidnap her." (EXCUSE ME?) My dad kindly says lol "You tell everyone in back i carry a gun with me." Good thing i wasnt there i would have shot back some pretty rude comments lol There is an idea of how cute Tessa is Not that you had to be told or anything i mean come on... Look at me? LOL hahaha She is my little love bug always has been and always will be!!

Some of Tessa's 6 month pictures!!

But they told me a man should be faithful, and walk when not able, and fight till the end - but I'm only human." (Michael Jackson in "Iwill be there"

YOU MADE THE WORLD DANCE!!!

Tessa with her grandparents :D

She loves them :D My mom made tessa a beanie!! It is adorable :D i'll post pictures soon


Yes! i can put her hair in a half head pony tail :D yay

You've got a friend in me...

Tessa and Mr Buddy Bailey

Being COOL while eating

Tessa's first cereal feeding TO--DAY!!!

Starting her early

So my husband and I were at the mall today and we stopped in hot topic. Because I saw a new moon poster!! So I turn the corner and walla!! I see Edward and Bella action figures! So we decided to get them for my sister as a thank you present for watching baby tessa this summer :D I get home and take it out and while I have Tessa on my lap.... She puts her hand on the box for a long time and just stares hahaha i had to get a picture.


FYI she did see the movie and obviously it left a little something in her HEART :D

LATEST UPDATE

So it all started about five or even Six weeks ago when Charlie got laid off from Walmart! He was out looking for a job and got one at the hospital about a two weeks ago! Which was such a blessing. We both have started school back up... I am continuing to attend Paul Mitchell The School and have about a year and 2 months left if i am calculating right :) YAY!!! Charlie is attending Dixie State to finish his degree need less to say this past week has been alittle CRAZY! Not seeing each other everyday and leading almost different lives was a little rough at first.. I did not like it one bit, But charlie said to me "we may not spend a whole lot of time together during the week but we wont be in school forever :)" It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. hehe
Tessa is now a week shy of 5 months she is growing up soooo fast. My sister watches her 4 nights a week while i am in school and charlie at work. She comes over and puts her to bed about 8 or so and dad listens for her. I have an amazing family who helps out a lot :) We are very blessed. It was a little hard last week but i got through it. We are so excited for what the future holds for us. We know it will be amazing

Tessas Blessing

So my daughter was blessed by my dad on May 24th 2009! It was amazing and full of so much love from all our loved ones. I was really concerned because the prior week she wasnt feeling good at all and that sunday morning she was fussy. But when my brother chris came to get her and take her up to my dad it was an amazing feeling.
She was so calm and so at peace she didnt make a fuss at all. When her brought her back to me i just wanted to cry. She is an amazing blessing in out lives and i can not wait to be sealed together for eternity!!

Obviously i could not bring in a camara to take a picture of chris taking her up there even though i wanted to so here :D here is the first time chris held tessa the week we brought her home!! :D love you guys

Tessa Update

She is the light of my day. Every morning i go to pick her up she just smiles at me I love it!!! She is also sleeping through the night from about 9 or 10 at night too 6 or 7 the next morning its awesome. But my body thinks i am getting too much sleep lol and is over tired lol Having a baby sure messes with your sleep schedule :D She is also trying to sit up i can stick my two fingers in front of her and she will grab them so i pull her up :D she is a awesome baby. Doesnt cry much at all...Just smiles and talks to me hehe

Fun Easter Dinner

Tessa loves Andee :)



Bre is adorable :) She also has beautiful hair

Tampon and Will :)

HAPPY EASTER

Day Before Easter

YAY for decorating eggs:


I made cake cookies..they were sooo good!!!

Charlie made this egg for Tessa. It says "Tessa's First Easter"
Dads Idea if decorating eggs;


This is Tessas idea of excitment!!!




All in all it was a blast...We all were looking forward too Easter dinner with dear old friends of my sisters :)