Pretending :)

But I hold on
I stay strong
Will I ever have a happy ending or will I just keep pretending?
How long do I fantasize or make believe that its still alive?
Imagine that I am good enough?
We can choose the ones we love
Keepin secrets safe
Every move we make

& its such a shame
Because if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know???
Will we ever
Tear down all the walls :)
Will i ever get my happy ending??

I believe so hehe I love glee!! Team Rachel for sure :)

Hey Stranger How you been??

Feels like im on the outside looking in. ;) A lot has changed and the "of course" linkin park song is stuck in my head. Waiting for the end if you haven't heard of it i suggest you look it up or i may just add it on here. Its amazing got me through some of the roughest times this year. Count you blessing and some things may not be disguised as so or maybe at the time you misread them but everything with a positive outlook is a blessing =) Thanks T ;)

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear.

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so...
Oh! what it takes to move on

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear

Official Post PHEW ;)

First Official post in a long long time :) Well as you know i have had some of my own personal trials through out the past couple of months. I could not have survived without my family & PMTS familia. But most importantly my beautiful 2 year old daughter Tessa. I believe i got these trials for a reason. Maybe because i was scared of the what ifs?? Or maybe to help me see how strong i really am?? I like to think its because God has a lot of confidence in me =) =) =) Not only as a person but as a daugher, as a mom, wife/ex wife, A sister or just a friend. It took a while for me to get here and to finally see the light at the end of the "tunnel" :) But i can. I can see it and all I can see on the other side of that tunnel is a beautiful rich blue ocean with a yellow, red, purple sunset :) I just needed faith. More then anything i needed all of you. I'm thankful for having my heart broken. I'm thankful for the things i have gotten to experience and share. My confidence and just getting back to the real happy fun me has helped not only myself but everyone i feel that has been around me. In a million years i never ever thought i would be thankful for a chance like this But i am. I'm not perfect. I may slip or fall not make a perfect choice im only human. I'm doing the best i can and know how =) Im thankful for what i have been taught all my life. Im thankful for breathing for having a roof over my head for being able to simple get out of bed. For making choices, for my family. Especially the one most important being in my life. Tessa. For knowing what i have a passion for. For knowing i have an option to choose. =) These may just seem like little things but they arent to me. :) There is so much to be thankful for to think of in a positive way. Dont think about all the negative in a situation. i try to see the positive in everything I may not express it all of the time. I try anyways to see everything in a more positive light. Tessa is a huge reason I am the mom/friend/ person i am today and i will always be ever so thankful for that. Im a strong-willing-single mommy & I LOVE YOU TESSA!!!